Modern love, modern ick
Life back on the dating apps
Background on my experiment
Last time I was on the dating apps I lasted about six months total before winding up in a ~yearlong relationship. About half that time I wound up deactivating myself because I got so busy. All said and done though it wasn’t quite as bad as all the hype.
I’m not sure what’s changed but after recently hopping back in, it seems like things are different. Maybe the whole world is just “Going through it” with all that has happened between late 2023 and early 2025. But I thought it would be interesting to catalog some of what I’m seeing.
I have taken great pains to make my profile make it easy to strike up a conversation with me. I’m literally dressed like a disco alien in one and holding a possum in another. I have one with something I drew if you are into the arts, a travel one if you are into travel, a full body one if you are just into hot women. Something for everyone!
Although I thought I was making it easy for people, seeing the reasons I rejected them was illuminating. (This only includes people that attempted to match with me in that 24 hours, not just random profiles I swiped through - so all people who went out of their way to contact me).
^ Not included, the 5-6 people who seemed cool that I did connect with.
Analyzing my results
Telling people about my experiment, I had a guy ask me what it meant when I marked someone as “boring” or “coming on too strong”.
Boring:
One person’s first sentence in their bio was about how they like to watch youtube on their phone while eating salad. Either this is some inside joke or media reference I don’t get, or this person and me have very different ideas of having fun
The vast majority of the rest of them, the bulk of their content were statements that go without saying. Like “looking for someone to have fun with” or “I like movies, restaurants, and listening to music”
Coming on too strong:
Calling me “sweetie” after three volleys of conversation, yuck
Whatever this was
(Had a good chuckle at this one ^ - surely if my face is that great men would *avoid* going to war so they could stay local to me and look at it?)
The vast majority of rejections were just people who liked a picture but didn’t say anything. Why would I start a conversation with someone who ALREADY doesn’t have anything to say to me haha? I am militant about that rule. Sometimes it pains me because the profile looks good, but I need to yap - I am not trying to suffer through a pairing with a bad conversationalist. I also don’t do low effort. I know chronic dating app users are tired and disillusioned and whatever else, but if you can’t go through the dating exercise and put forth effort that’s not going to work for me. A single opening sentence is such a low bar, if you can’t meet that that tells me enough about you.
The overall climate
Not to sound arrogant but based on what I’ve seen so far, it feels like maybe the algorithmz just don’t know that I’m kinda hot? And gainfully employed, and well traveled, and not a lunatic?
Or maybe being a redheaded 35 year old vs a blonde 34 year old has algorithmically labeled me as an old undesireable crone. Sad but funny if true, since that is not the experience I have in everyday life whatsoever. People keep thinking I’m in my 20s. Lately it seems like 24 year olds keep popping up out of nowhere to hit on me and each time I explain I don’t do an age gap like that they are astonished at my real age. The last DATE I was on in fact a 25 year old tried picking me up for themselves in the middle of my date with someone else, ahaha.
I would say maybe 25% of the profiles it showed me were men who looked like they’d never had a photo taken of them before in their life. Dead eyed staring at the camera, blurry, one had just a single heavily filtered photo (probably AI), ones with half their face out of frame. Truly a mess.
I also unfortunately discovered that world events seem to have emboldened people to reveal their true colors politically. (Although, better to know I guess). Maybe HALF the people recommended to me are moderate or farther right(!) a huge no for me. Last I used the apps it was a tiny majority that marked themselves other than “progressive”.
Some particular gems
Here’s where I show you some of the weirder things I’ve seen on the apps. You’re welcome!
It was definitely fascinating how many people had boring, bland, or almost entirely absent profiles. For the examples below, this was the ONLY section they had filled out and they may as well not have.
For me, reading a completely generic profile means that the person either has no inner life, or can’t be assed to even do a good job in their pursuit of sex, romance, or love. Why bother with someone who is low effort before we even exchange a word?
Some of the profiles were just…beyond description.
Miscellaneous icks
Maybe this is my own brand of crazy, but I also bounce all the following things:
Anyone making the “rock out” sign, with a middle finger up picture, tongue out picture, or shirtless picture. Its just like, what are you 12 years old
Anyone who mentions “drama” (why do I feel like the ‘nO dRaMa’ people are alwaaaaaays projecting)
People with only one profile picture, even if it’s good
Anyone who calls themselves “high value”
Anyone who says something like “I prioritize being healthy and want a partner who does the same” - believe it or not, sometimes we can’t control if we experience a health problem! It’s also just code for “you should be thin or I won’t see you as a human being”
People who “don’t know” if they want kids. That’s kiiiinda a big deal lol how do you NOT know?
On that bizarre note I’ll end, and excuse myself to see what other weirdness the apps may have in store for me. Catch you next time!